


Enough

by rarepairqueen



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Akaashi, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 15:35:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11383122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rarepairqueen/pseuds/rarepairqueen
Summary: When Kuroo leaves for Kyoto University, Akaashi feels his entire world stop.





	Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Partly based on some real life feelings/situations, somewhat of a vent piece.

 

He hated goodbyes. Sure, there was the promise of another meeting, a Skype call, a 'I got home safely' text. But this always left a sinking feeling in his chest. No amount of virtual connection could make up for the feeling of emptiness in his body, that half of him had been ripped away so suddenly. Akaashi had always known it would be hard, for Kuroo to be at college and him still in high-school. They had made it work all through the Nekoma captain's final year, they tried to scale back slightly on the dates, the meet ups with Bokuto and Kenma, even going several days without a text from each other.

It didn't lessen the blow to Akaashi's heart when Kuroo kissed him goodbye on their last date.

"I'll be back for summer break, you know it." Kuroo had told him when he couldn't stop his smile from faltering. "And it's not like I'm dying."

The cherry blossoms had just started blooming, the sign that spring was here, that a new beginning was dawning. Akaashi was going to be the captain of Fukurodani that year, he was going to try and fill the equally big hole Bokuto was leaving in his life by taking the reins himself. For various reasons, Kuroo wasn't going to Tokyo for college, he had chosen Kyoto. He stated he wanted to live somewhere other than the capitol for a while, meet some new faces, learn some new things.

Akaashi had felt the punch to his gut when Kuroo told him he got accepted. He was happy, proud even, that his boyfriend was going to such a prestigious college, but that did nothing to counter the dawning realisation that Kuroo wasn't just going to be in another district to him, but another prefecture entirely.

"I know, but I'll miss you." Akaashi had said, clutching Kuroo's hands tightly. The train had been a few minutes out but every second still spent with Kuroo was one he didn't want to waste. The older male's hands were callused, strong from the volleyball practice, they were rough in places but Kuroo had only ever touched him in the softest of manners. A gentle caress of his cheek, a tender kiss on the back of his neck as he slept, threading fingers slowly through his hair in the afterglow of sex.

"I'll miss you too."

"Promise me Tetsurou, that you won't..." Akaashi's voice had trailed off, the sound of the incoming train on another platform drowned out his mumbled reply.

Akaashi Keiji had one fear that overrode any other in regards to Kuroo studying away from him. That fear was one of being replaced, of not being able to compete with the college boys in Kyoto. That Kuroo would find someone new and love them more than he claimed to love Akaashi.

"Don't worry." Kuroo's voice had been soft, the same tone Akaashi would wake up to on lazy Saturday mornings asking if he slept well. "I promise."

It reassured Akaashi a little, that even if he didn't word it outright Kuroo had been able to tell immediately what he was worried about. Though Akaashi rarely spoke of it, his fear of being inadequate had always been there. During his time at Fukurodani he had learned to put it aside, to focus on _being enough_ , to be there for his ace like every setter was. The ace carries the hopes and dreams of the team, and Bokuto needed him to achieve that.

"I love you." The words had rolled off Akaashi's tongue with ease, but a sharp pang in his chest reminded him this would be the last he said it in person for many weeks. His voice didn't sound right, like there was someone squeezing his throat as he spoke.

Kuroo's hands cupped his face, tenderly and with only love in his cat-like eyes as he tilted Akaashi's face up. There was a mistiness to the familiar amber eyes as he closed the gap between them. Lips pressed against Akaashi's, far from the frantic kisses they exchanged in the heat of the moment, but slow, soft gesture. He had to break away to stifle the small sob that threatened to escape, merely pressing his forehead against Kuroo's instead.

"I love you too Keiji." Kuroo had whispered. The rumble of the Kyoto-bound train started getting louder as it approached. The final few seconds before Akaashi's world was ripped from him were upon them.

"Please..."

"I'll call you everyday Keiji."

The train thundered into the station, the screeching of brakes signalling the time had come. Reluctantly, Akaashi let go of Kuroo's hands, wiping his eyes hastily before stepping back. He put on a fake smile, he needed to be strong for Kuroo, he couldn't stop his boyfriend going, not after all the work he put into his application.

"Goodbye, stay safe." He had said, voice wobbling as the sobs built up.

"See ya in a few weeks Keiji, and I will." Kuroo had replied, picking up his bag and waving before getting on the train. Within twenty seconds, Kuroo was gone.

He was gone.

Akaashi had stood on the platform for several minutes, trying to rationalise that this was his new norm, his racing thoughts turned to frantically texting Kenma to try and keep himself grounded. Kuroo was no longer in Tokyo with him. Kuroo was in a different city. He told himself that this was stupid, that couples did this all the time, that long-distance relationships worked out well in the end as long as both parties were committed to it working.

As long as he was enough for Kuroo. As long as he was everything Kuroo wanted and needed.

Kenma had tried to reassure him over text, the other setter was adamant that their relationship would last. He knew Kuroo the longest, he knew how the other had placed Akaashi on a pedestal from the first time he saw the other play at a training camp. _'Akaashi is so talented. Akaashi is so smart. Akaashi's smile is so cute.'_ The repetitive nature of those phrases got on Kenma's nerves very quickly he finally told Kuroo to _'Quit fawning over him and ask him out already'_.

The memory of that afternoon made Akaashi's heart ache. It had been his first year at Fukurodani, he was nervous about being around so many teams at once but he was proud of his starting position as setter. He was proud that Bokuto had picked _him_ to be the setter. He was introduced to Kuroo by Bokuto, the story of how they had been low-key rivals for the last year and they were _both_ tipped to be captain in their third years. Akaashi hadn't really known how to regard Kuroo, he seemed far too charismatic but also very dorky at times.

He first felt his heart skip around the other when he stayed late after the day's session practising serves. They weren't his best skill and he wanted to improve, he wanted to be enough to stay on the team and he couldn't do that if he couldn't serve properly. He thought he had been alone as the sun's rays cast the gym in an orange light, he was getting frustrated at himself for not being able to hit the court just in front of the back line when he swore loudly.

"My, you kiss your mother with that mouth?" The remark had come from the open doorway. Akaashi had frozen in horror as the older male chuckled at his mortified expression. "Relax, I'm kidding."

"...good..." He had found himself sighing, placing a hand over his racing heart as he relaxed. Kuroo waited a moment before closing the gap between them a little, picking up one of the many stray balls from the floor and bouncing it experimentally.

"You want any help?"

"I...I guess. I'm trying to practice serves." Akaashi had seen no reason to lie, but he also had no reason to expect Kuroo to be very helpful.

"Your posture is all wrong." Kuroo had immediately moved closer, shoving the ball into Akaashi's hands before standing behind him. What followed was nearly an hour of Kuroo's firm but gentle hands guiding him on how to stand, how to hold the ball, how to view the court. They had been innocent touches but they had left Akaashi's heart racing, his breathing a little heavier than he'd like.

By the end of it Akaashi was hitting his mark, the ball hitting just inside the court's back-line and then flying to the back wall. He remembered smiling from ear to ear as he hit the mark three times in a row. He remembered glancing up at Kuroo and seeing the same smile. He remembered thinking at the time that he could get used to seeing that smile.

Whilst being wrapped up in the past, Akaashi had made it out of the station and was on his way towards home. It felt odd to be alone, sure they had rehearsed this, they had gotten somewhat used to it, but the nagging thought that Kuroo wasn't actually in Tokyo was getting to him. He kept his eyes trained on the ground, that way he didn't have to see the landmarks of their relationship; the coffee-shop that they went to during winter break to study, the park they had gotten both their teams to spend one summer afternoon at, the music store that Kuroo always found a way to drag him into even when they were both too broke to buy anything.

He knew it would be worse at home, that the pillow Kuroo always used when he slept over would remind him of the other. There were too many pictures on Akaashi's wall to cope with, heck Kuroo had even given him his Nekoma jacket after sleeping in it for a solid month _'just so it would smell like me'_. To most these would bring a lover comfort, but to Akaashi they reminded him of the loss in his everyday life, they reminded him that Kuroo wasn't there and he couldn't be sure if he'd still be enough.

Kuroo was far too charismatic for him to _not_ find someone who could make him happy. He was far too likeable to not have guys and girls fawning over him just as he had fawned over Akaashi. He was confident, good-looking and smart, three traits that would guarantee him many people throwing themselves at him.

Akaashi had to pray to every deity he could believe in that he wasn't too boring for Kuroo, or too serious, too plain, too quiet. He had been told by people trying to get between them that he wasn't up to Kuroo's standards, that he didn't fit Kuroo's type, that Kuroo was out of his league. In truth, Akaashi believed them, he wasn't anything special in his mind. Bokuto would try to shake some sense into him if he ever said it out loud, but he wasn't even that good of a player. He knew that there was some odd reason that Kuroo chose to be with him, he had needed time to actually comprehend that Kuroo wanted _him_ and not someone more entertaining to be around, someone more interesting, more good looking, more _something_ that he wasn't.

When he reached his home, he wasn't even sure if he wanted to open the door to his room. His mother had given him a sympathetic smile and chose not to ask. He swallowed before opening the door. The first thing to greet him as he sat on his bed was a framed picture, it was from the last summer training camp they had been on together; Bokuto had taken it given the slightly off-angle but that didn't detract from the sentimental value for Akaashi. They were sat on the hill outside of the gym the sun had been setting so they were bathed in soft orange light, much like they were on the day Kuroo met him in the gym, their fingers linked together on the grass and Akaashi seemed to be mid-sentence as Kuroo listened intently.

It was the look on Kuroo's face that made his heart ache again. There was no coy smirk that the captain was renowned for, no there was simply a soft smile. The same relaxed expression that he was used to seeing first thing in the morning when he woke up.

He felt the dampness on his cheeks as his vision went blurry. He sniffed loudly before choking out a small sob. He missed Kuroo already, if he had been there he would've drawn Akaashi into a hug, he would've pressed lips to Akaashi's forehead and murmured out that it's okay to cry, that he was allowed to feel upset about this.

But Kuroo wasn't there.

Akaashi didn't really think as he rummaged around in his closet and found the red jacket, he fell onto his bed and clutched it to his chest. He inhaled the familiar scent and then let out a ragged breath. He had to have faith, have faith in Kuroo. He had to have hope, hope that he was truly enough.

He didn't hear his phone buzz with an incoming text, the device left forgotten on the floor as he let his tears fall onto his pillow. The agony inside him too much to ignore anymore. When the sobs had subsided a little and he checked it for the time, he found a simple message;

**From: Tetsurou**  
Subject: Reminder  
_Keiji, you are more than enough. I'm not going to replace you. I love you._

Akaashi's heart ached. Kenma had obviously told Kuroo about his frantic texts and his boyfriend was seeking to reassure him directly. He let out a small sigh before more tears could fall and replied with shaky hands.

**To: Tetsurou**  
Subject: Thank-you  
_I love you too Tetsurou. I miss you already._

He barely had time to wipe his teary eyes again before Kuroo replied.

**From: Tetsurou**  
Subject: No problem  
_I miss you too, I've already cried twice. But don't worry Keiji, I know we can survive this._

A long-distance relationship would take time to get used to, it would take a lot of inner strength and hectic scheduling of calls and visits. It wasn't going to be easy by any means, but that didn't mean it was impossible. He just had to remind himself that Kuroo thought he was more than enough, that not even a school rivalry had stopped them dating, that they had overcome every hurdle thrown their way so far. If Kuroo believed it could work, then Akaashi could shove aside his fear of inadequacy and throw everything he had at it, just like he did with volleyball.

 


End file.
